Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Running the tight rope...

Image from Google
Back in November I had mentioned that I was going to be returning to school. Yesterday I had my first day back in ten years. I have to say, my was tummy was turning as I waited for this day to come. I have been so excited to start this next stage in my life. Once my day came, it all seem to click into place.

The decision to go back to school I have to admit wasn't easy. As excited as I was this first day... this wasn't always the case. With the economy being what it is right now, it really didn't make any sense for me to return to school. In all honesty in my heart I felt that I should be working. I felt that I should be contributing to my family. I am a perfectly able body...I should be doing something to benefit my family financially...Right?

That was my gut instinct. And most likely what most people in my position might think. The thought of putting work aside, just didn't make sense to me. So I prayed. I knew that if I was really to go back to school, I would need to dig deep into my heart and ask God what my next step should be.

When making a decision that shifts your life in a completely different direction, it tends to take a toll on you. It weighs on you, consumes your thoughts, it exists in everything you do. You become very heavy with this burden of decision. This is how I knew that this was something beyond me. I would love to say that in prayer immediately everything made sense, but that simply isn't true. I struggled with many things. I wrestled with the idea of financially being able to swing me not working, as well as paying for college on top of that. I struggled with the idea that perhaps this decision would distance me from the industry that I have grown to love and the friends around the world that I treasure. Would I still have time to be a mom, clean my house, even make dinner? My mind and body were weighed with insecurities, fears and doubts yet I continued in prayer and meditation. Prayer for me has been a vital part of my sanity. I can not imagine holding all of these thoughts and feelings that I just mentioned inside of me. Prayer is my way of releasing them, and although the fears and feelings may return... I continue to pray knowing that in time it will all make sense.

In the midst of all of this one day it finally just clicked in me. My perspective changed (something that I desired and prayed for). My perspective of seeing this decision as a personal decision suddenly became a family one. I think I have always associated my schooling as such a personal journey since my first experience with school I ventured on my own. This time around I was reminded that I was not alone.

At this point I realized that this was not something I was doing for myself, yet pursuing for the betterment of myself and my family. My perspective became clearer. I suddenly understood the long term plan and all of the benefits it had to offer. I think it is human of us to slowly allow our peripheral vision to close in and tunnel. The unknown is enough to make any clear thoughts foggy. The hardest part is holding on to those truths that define us and light our path. It is a constant struggle, yet a worthy one.

I was meant to go back to school. It is what I am to do at this moment in my life. As wrong as it might seem to make such a sudden change, it is exactly what I need to be doing right now. I have described this feeling to be like running on a tight rope, It is what I am supposed to do, so I am going to do it with all my might.  Although I should be scared, I am not. I may falter, I may alter the course along the way... but I know this is where my path has lead me.

It is hard sometimes to express all of the emotion that goes along with making life decisions, but I hope you find comfort in reading this, knowing that you are not alone. There might be magic stirring in your heart right now. Magic that only you can give to this world. Make sure you pay attention to it and earnestly seek the truth. You were made to do good things, it is never to late...never ever (Mel, I will always remember these words!). I guess the bottom line is to allow yourself to listen to that desire you have been tucking away in your heart. Even if you don't act on it now. Don't let it fade. Keep it present in your day, so that when the time is right... that desire will become a beautiful plan.

*Edited: If you didn't see the giveaway I announced on my last post. Make sure to check it out :)

Thanks for stopping by today :)

 ~Liz ♥


  1. That is a beautiful post. Thanks for sharing your very insightful thoughts. You will always inspire, and even in your school setting, there will be people you will uplift without ever knowing you did. You have a creative spirit and now you are setting it free to be everything you dream.
    BTW, you do have lovely thin ankles, we should all look so good on a tight rope!!

  2. Liz, I wish only WONDERFUL things for you and your family, as you begin your new journey. Thanks for your beautiful and heartfelt post.

  3. I can't remember where I heard it, but someone gave me this advice when facing an ominous decision that involves several years to completion... "Do you want to be 4 years older with or without that accomplishment? Either way, you will be 4 years older!!"

    And YES prayer IS the only way through when from the outside it makes no sense... I believe God will bless with peace when He is in it :)

    BTW... if you haven't yet seen my layout "Let Go and Fly"... it's a few posts down on my blog and seems applicable (from my "Scrapbook Your Faith" article in Canadian Scrapbooker Magazine). Meanwhile, many blessings on your new endeavour!!!

  4. Follow through, Liz! I went back to school at 36 and that's while I worked full-time and ran my crafty stuff. The family pulled together to help me, it was worth it and only lasted two years. You can do it, it will bring on new adventures. You rock, don't ever doubt your dreams and goals, make them happen, life is too short!!

  5. Such a beautiful post Liz.....and I am sure you are exactly where you are meant to be. Prayer always puts everything into perspective. I am struggling with a decision right now....and don't know where I would be without God to turn to. He is my rock, especially since my husband died almost 2 years ago. I place all of my trust in God to lead me where I need to be. May I ask what will be your major in college? May you continue to be blessed on your journey!

  6. Isn't a great feeling to know you are where you are meant to be!!! Good luck on this part of your journey Liz!

  7. I am so very glad I stumbled upon your post. I am a friend of yours on Face Book. Requested you to be a friend because of your craftiness but do not know you personally. I can so identify with this post. This is what is going on in my life right now.

    I have been a teacher for the past 16 years. I went to school when my youngest was in first grade. I can so identify with your decision and wrestling with it to go back to school. Before I went to college I was a SAHM.

    I have been a teacher now for 16 years and have taught several different grade levels. I finally settled into the grade level I absolutely loved teaching (first) until last spring when my principal told me she was moving me to Kindergarten. Well I have tried my best to embrace and fall in love with doing this and I just cannot. It takes everything I have to get up every morning and go to school.

    But, let me backtrack a bit. About 3 years ago God began giving me the desire to stay home. At the time I owned a Scrapbook Retreat facility so I thought it would be fantastic to just put all my time and energy into that. Alas, without my husband's support I could not do that. The Scrapbook House (as I called it) just was not making it totally and with the new position of teaching K I decided to close it. The desire to quit teaching did not go away and God has seemed to continue to have that on my heart.
    Being a grandmother of 7 I so want to have time to spend with them. All too often I am spending my time at school preparing and getting ready for the next week that I miss out on doing things with my family. I so want to quit teaching and stay home for my husband and family.

    Here is the big decision about it though. My husband was not in 100% support of the scrapbook house and was cooericed(sp)into me opening and owning it anyhow. Am I okay with the fact that he will be working hard and supporting both of us? We have discussed it but he is kind of holding back with a decision. I don't want to say I am confused but I am very anxious. I really want to know one way or the other. God has not seemed to let up on that desire, in fact it is growing stronger and stronger. Almost to the point it is an obsession!

    So not sure what is going to happen between now and the end of July when that decision will have to be made. But right now I am trying my best to bathe myself in prayer, patience, and the hope of a real possibility that I will be able to at least take a year's leave of absence to see if it is feasible financially for us to make it on my husband's income. Which I know we can because we did it many years ago on a much less income and had 3 children at home to raise.

    Sorry, I rambled on so much. That is what I tend to do when I am obsessing about something just ramble. Also, it is very carthartic for me to write. So, thanks for taking the time to listen.

    I will pray for your school year to be totally fantastic!!

    May you be able to juggle both home, school, and other responsibilities well and may the God of peace and organization completely fill you with all you need.

    Thanks so much.

  8. You will do this just as you have done everything...with the support and love of your family and friends both in the craft world and in your immediate world. You will do this with grace and perseverance just as you have done with everything else in your life. You and your family deserve so much joy, success and happiness because of all that you give to others. You are my inspiration, you are my dear friend and I am so thankful to have you and your family in my life. I will take great pride in watching you achieve this goal and will be there to cheer you on every step of the way! Hugs!